Grief Part 2

Thus, at this point along my journey, I’m struggling again with a seeming “one-two punch” of grief and deep loss.
 As background, in December 1997, I buried my pregnant 26-year-old wife Jenny and five-year-old son Danny—killed in a single-vehicle accident during a military move when I was serving on active duty in the Marine Corps.
 in November 2012, just after I retired from the Marine Corps, my 68-year-old mom died. Then in early January 2013, my 41-year-old brother (and best friend) died. So these were one-two-three and one-two punches of grief and loss with loved ones dying.
 Then this year (2022), in January, my 16-year-old nephew was killed in a car wreck in North Dakota and then in early February, my 76-year-old dad died. Another “one-two punch” of dealing with grief and loss.
 A mentor, retired Marine Colonel Brad Lapiska, told me months after my brother died, “Danny, for a man of your age, you have more Purple Hearts of suffering than anyone else I know. You owe it to the rest of us to share what you’ve learned.” I did not immediately pursue that advice, for I was working on the first printing of A Widower’s Walk. Then became busy with other duties and life. Now with this recent one-two punch of loss and grief, it’s hit me that it is time to begin sharing what I’ve learned about dealing with the tough times we encounter in life…or “times in the desert” as Ray Vander Laan, another mentor on my faith journey has called it. I hope to eventually compile these blogs into a book to share with my future grandchildren (none as of the date of this blog) so that they will be encouraged when they face times in the desert. And they will know how to help others going through tough times.
 
As I began processing my grief after my nephew and father’s deaths, I again realized that many don’t know what to say or how to help someone going through a tough time in life because they have never been through a tough time. They want to help, but don’t know how. So there will be some of those lessons learned as well.
 Admittedly I am only one data point and different than others. Yet, my lessons learned are those that I know and have experienced. They don’t come from a book or some theory I have come up with or another person’s theory that I’ve read or heard. Thus, they align with Thomas Myerscough’s quote: “He that has an experience is not at the mercy of a man who merely has an argument.” Thus, I offer my multiple times of experience with grief and deep loss to try to help others and not cause them to be at mercy of someone who just has a theory.

---