​Do You Want to Purchase Some Barbed Wire..or a Van?

Another lesson learned or experiential wisdom I’ve picked up along my journey during times of grief and raw pain deals with people coming across as insensitive in their actions and words toward me when I was hurting in the desert of a tough time in life.
 
We’ve already discussed in an earlier blog about people saying hurtful things such as “I know what you’re going through” or “You’ll get through this.” So no need to revisit that example of people’s insensitivity.
 
And we’ve looked at people only coming alongside a hurting person only one time and not circling back weeks or months after the deep loss. So we’ll not rehash the impacts of people coming across as too busy to provide repeat comfort.
 
What I want to focus this blog post on is people acting seemingly clueless toward a person going through grief and raw pain…and in my case, just a handful of days after the death of a loved one.
 
The first example is the following: I had individual asked me via a text message, on the day of the funeral for one of my parents, did I want to purchase some barbed wire from this individual. I was absolutely flabbergasted and became extremely angry about this lack of situational awareness.
 
I wanted to shake this person by the scruff of the neck and ask “Do you have a clue that I’m hurting right now? That I’m trying to just get through today. I’m not even thinking about repairing my fences right now. Why would you think that I would be interested in purchasing barbed wire from you less than a week after my parent died?”
 
This person was just focused on his/her life and trying to make a buck on selling excess barbed wire and ignoring my pain and grief.
 
Then days after the “barbed wire” inquiry—after one of my parents had died—an individual asked whether or not I wanted to purchase a van located three states away from where I lived. (For the record, I was not looking for van. Nor had I told this individual to be on the lookout for a van for me.) Again, I was overwhelmed with frustration and angst that this person was being totally clueless while I was dealing with the rawness of grief and pain of losing a parent.
 
Yet again a seemingly maximum level of heartlessness by people living their lives and ignoring the pain and grief in another human being’s life.
 
So the next time a friend or family member faces deep loss, think about him/her dealing with grief and pain rather than just living your life and asking if he/she wants to purchase barbed wire or letting him/her know about a van for sale. Bottom line: gain and maintain situational awareness toward comforting others.

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