“Being in the Way Takes Spiritual Grit” 
My previous blog post sported the quirky title, “Being in the Way is My Spiritual Gift”. I enjoyed writing that one. Not to sound “braggy,” but I felt like it had humor, depth, and bitter-sweetness. It focused on fond farewells— describing the love and loss of a cherished aunt and our son Phillip’s last years before leaving home. I imagined how after reading that post people would be left with a sense of warmth and hope, like the hug of a loved one, unspeakably dear. Sigh…I don’t think the post I’m writing today will leave us feeling quite that cozy because, “Being in the Way Takes Spiritual Grit!”
On my front deck I was soaking in the early spring breeze. Listening as Ian’s Corolla bumped and bounced up our gravel driveway, past the forsythia bushes and across our small creek. But wait! It’s the Buick, not the Corolla, ‘cause the “Rolla’s” in the shop! Our son Ian, home on his spring break, had been forced to borrow Phillip’s high-school-mobile. That mobile was loaded with brothers eager to shoot some hoops and play a game of “Horse” at Mormor and Grandpa’s Cottage. Sounds idyllic so far, huh? Except the part about Ian’s “Rolla” sitting in pieces at the shop. Or the part where he drove 12 hours from South Carolina to home, not realizing that the funky wobble of his tires represented more trouble than he knew. He found this out from his mechanically inclined buddy, David. 
David had suffered a small rock “getting in his way” during a recent commute. That troublesome stone got kicked up into his engine and (what are the odds?) the pesky thing totaled his entire vehicle! It was good for Ian though, because David had to call on him for a ride.
“What’s that funny sound?” David asked. Then he proceeded to explain all the things that were likely wrong with Ian’s Corolla and why it was feeling and sounding that way.  Ironically, the rock that got in the way of Ian’s buddy’s commute also got in the way of Ian’s return trip—(not just a mile up the road to his grandparents and back) but his journey of over 700 miles back to Greenville. Our local mechanic found the verdict even worse than David imagined. Ian would not be returning to school on Sunday as planned.
It’s inconvenient when things get in our way. Be it a rock, a necessary tune-up, or a thwarted trip. In this case the rock that rocked David’s world, totaling his car, may have helped put Ian’s world to rights. Because Ian discovered the truth—that his own car wasn’t roadworthy.
Sometimes God sends a rock to get in our way. But what happens when we get to be that rock in someone else’s way? 
It’s tough to be that “rock“ blocking the path of our beloved offspring. Saying “No,” at times when their friend’s parents may be saying, “Yes.” Explaining, “I know that path. I’m sorry, but you’re too young to go on that date unsupervised…or take that trip…or watch that movie.”
Or how about with our younger children? Delivering that Proverbs 22:15 tough love to our small child. Our precious one, desperately needing to associate sin with pain. To understand the meaning behind the word, “No.”Learning obedience to the phrase, “No—don’t take one more step,” could save a child from walking out into a road fraught with danger ahead. Or safeguard a  teenager against an incoming spiritual threat.  
After our 16-year-old son Phillip earned his driver’s license, we purchased him a “dumb” phone. We thought it was “smart” because at the cell phone store we were told they could shut down internet capacity from the get-go. As a committed Christian, we respected Phillip’s overall choices and wanted to protect him from potential pitfalls. Maybe next year, with gradual new privileges earned, we’ll provide him with an upgrade (time will tell)…more options on his phone, like Internet for GPS, etc. For now, we see ourselves as gatekeepers called by God to “get in the way” when we perceive danger for our children.  
As a mom, I can almost hear that proverbial echo of a door slowly creaking and eventually… BOOM…slamming shut! (To open no more.) The sound triggers a well-known event in our lives…the end of childhood and one more young person in our family getting launched into young adulthood. Our sphere of influence with each child in our home, lovingly under our care, has a beginning and an end. It’s a gradual process. We have one childhood’s chance to impart wisdom: the lesson of self discipline, being able to tell yourself, “No.” However, we are aware that saying, “Yes” at the age-appropriate time can be equally important. “Being in the way” can be as good a gift to give our children as “getting out of the way.” (I’ll probably flesh that idea out more in another blog post some other time.) 
For me, as a “pleaser,” it’s easy for me to do the thing my child wants, but it may not be the thing my child needs. A tough lesson learned with four, soon to be five, children launched is this: They can go out there—be it a sport, a job, a class or a church group—and make a new friend. A buddy or maybe even a bosom friend (for all you Anne Shirley and Diana Barry fans out there)! Or perhaps from a Biblical example, build a Jonathan-David connection, a friendship pure and rare. These precious pals are necessary. However, finding a new mom (or dad) is not so easily done. I’d like to say, we’re irreplaceable! What our children need most from us is not another buddy, but a parent—a firm but loving guide, leading with spiritual grit, facing rejection rather than neglecting our God-given duty to “get in their way!” Even when we lovingly stand in their way at times, the choice is still theirs to respect our authority and honor God or to reject both. 
Let’s wrap this up by asking…So, if you stand in your child’s way every time, at the right time, that’s the secret formula? You’ll be safeguarded against ever having a child “turn away”…right? Automatic protection from walking down that prodigal path? Sadly, no—not from my experience as a mom or as a daughter. But when Proverbs 22:6 says, “train up a child” what does it really mean? That verse that promises to train up a child in the way he should go so that when he grows old he will not depart from it? I’m not sure. 
But I believe the promise. For myself, heartache has been a brutal teacher. Yet, I’m still learning. Nope, this topic is not warm and fuzzy. But my hope is in the Living God and in His Word that will not return void, but offers me the grit I need to just keep taking one more step. Or having done all to stand firm, to stand! (Ephesians 6:23) 
Even to stand in the way of someone I love.  
But at this peaceful moment, I’m in no one’s way…I’m just sitting on my balcony right now with a quilt and some cushions. Birds are twittering, the coils on the nearby trampoline squeak merrily as my two youngsters bounce.  We’re waiting for the sound of gravel that will be kicked up as we hear the Buick make its way back home. Home…hear my longing! Whatever road my children may travel—as their Mom, let me stand and wait with arms wide open to receive them, ready to “be in the way” once again. So they can’t walk back into that door without first getting a Mama Bear hug from me! Let’s stand at the ready to “be in the way” (or get out of the way), cause we never know when we’ll be welcoming our children back home once again!
“Being in the Way Takes Spiritual Grit” was the post that almost didn’t get posted. It took more grit than I could muster, losing my mom to cancer. I stopped writing for a time. My husband encouraged me to try again. So here I am, 18 months after starting this post, doing a final edit. Much has changed! My mom, Judy Raye, was welcomed into the arms of her Savior. Phillip, a young adult now, turned 18 last month.
Our son, Ian, thoroughly done with being a bachelor at the ripe old age of 22, married the young lady of his dreams, Hope Krista. Which means we now have a new daughter to welcome home. I hope she doesn’t mind the bumpy ride down our gravel driveway, across the creek, past the forsythia bushes—right up to the front door and into my Mama Bear arms!